Retired couple seeks budget help from son

A retired couple faces a financial strain caused by their youngest son's unemployment. The 62-year-old woman says her husband, age 65, gives money to their son who has been jobless since June. The son's wife will also lose her job at the end of October. The older couple’s other children have stable employment.

The woman plans to retire at the end of the year. Her husband says he will not jeopardize their future, but she worries he will keep giving money and resent her if he stops. She asks how to convince him that his generosity is enabling their son. She also wants to know how to help without causing resentment among their other children.

R. Eric Thomas tells the couple that their child is using their generosity as a safety net. He says this protects the son from facing hard choices. Thomas advises the couple to hire a financial adviser. The goal is to build a protective budget for retirement that includes emergency funds. The budget should also include a specific line item for helping the son.

Thomas suggests the couple have a serious conversation with their adviser. They should discuss whether the budget reflects their values. The woman should bring in numbers to talk about her fears. Thomas notes that the husband must accept that he cannot fix every problem for their child. This is his work to do, and the wife cannot force him to change. She can put in safeguards to keep his compassion from controlling their finances.

In a separate letter, a 68-year-old woman asks about a condo dispute with her sister. The woman and her 73-year-old husband live in a condo that belonged to their late parents. The parents passed the condo to the couple before dying. The couple paid off the mortgage and is current on fees. Their middle sister, who was power of attorney, dispersed their parents' funds more than 30 years ago.

The sister recently called in a nasty tone to say it is unfair for the couple to live rent free. The woman notes that the couple pays taxes, insurance, and spent more than $7,000 on repairs. The sister wants the deed and payoff information so she can buy the house and charge rent. Thomas says the sister may believe the condo should have been split three ways. However, the parents chose to give it to the couple.

Thomas notes that the time to raise this issue was when the parents died or when estates were settled 30 years ago. He questions the sister's plan to buy the house and then charge rent. He says she has been stewing on this hurt for a while. He advises the couple to ask what prompted the call if they can have a calm conversation. Thomas doubts the sister has standing in court but suggests a one-time consultation with an estate attorney.